Empty nest syndrome refers to the grief that many parents feel when their children move out of home. This condition is typically more common in women, who are more likely to have had the role of primary care provider. Unlike the grief experienced when (for example) a loved one dies, the grief of empty nest syndrome often goes unrecognized, because an adult child moving out of home is seen as a normal, healthy event.
Sending children off to college or into the real world usually is a proud time for parents. But there also can be sadness, especially when the last child leaves home. Empty nest syndrome isn’t a clinical diagnosis. Instead, it’s a phenomenon where parents experience feelings of sadness and loss when the last child leaves home.
It’s common for parents to find letting go to be a painful experience — even though they encourage their children to be independent. Parents might find it difficult to suddenly have no children at home who need their care. They might miss being a part of their children’s daily lives and their constant companionship. Parents with only one child or those who strongly identify with their role as a parent might have a particularly difficult time adjusting.
Empty nest syndrome can afflict both parents, but mothers seem to be most susceptible. Many mothers may have dedicated 20 years or more of their lives to bringing up their children, and see motherhood as their primary role. This is true even for most working mothers.
Benefits to empty nesters
As hard as the change may be, having an empty nest can bring benefits to parents. Recent studies suggest that an empty nest might reduce work and family conflicts. Having an empty nest also gives parents a new opportunity to reconnect with each other, improve the quality of their marriage and rekindle interests with newfound time.
Advice for the transition
Here are four tips if you’re experiencing feelings of loss due to empty nest syndrome:
Accept the timing: Avoid comparing your child’s timetable to your own experience or expectations. Instead, focus on what you can do to help your children succeed when they leave home.
Keep in touch: You can continue to be close with your children after they leave home, thanks to phone calls, emails, texts, video chats and personal visits.
Seek support: Lean on loved ones for support. Share your feelings. If you feel depressed, consult your health care team.
Stay positive: Think of the extra time and energy you will have to devote to your marriage or personal interests.
Planning in advance
If one child has moved out and you still have others living at home with you, plan in advance for the day when your nest will be empty of all children. Small changes made over time will mean less of a shock when your last child moves out. You may find, with thought and careful planning, that the occasion of your last child leaving home will offer a little happiness too, as you can then implement your plans for an independent life with your spouse.
If your last child will soon leave home, plan ahead to keep empty nest syndrome at bay. Look for new opportunities in your personal and professional life. Keeping busy or taking on new challenges at work or home can ease the sense of loss.
