As some of you might have noticed regardless of whether or not you read my previous short post, I’ve purposefully been away for a bit, both to figure out the ‘why’ behind me doing this, and also to take some advice I gained from a very popular YouTuber. As a hint, this YouTuber shortly be stepping away from his on camera role in order to better focus on his family, the company he built over many years, and his own sanity. A person like him can only go on for so long before needing more than a simple break. Thank you for everything you’ve done all these years MatPat….not that he’s likely to see this, but still….
During my break, along with the ability to build up my store of posts, I’ve also had the time to step back and figure out the ‘why’, the purpose behind me working on this for currently no money. Surely there are other autistic people out there who could do this way better than me and likely work way harder. True as that may be, I at least have to take my chance, shoot my shot as it were, and see where it leads me. If it turns into nothing, well at least I did my best and I know for sure that I failed, rather than floating along in life not helping myself in any way. Even now with my spotty updating schedule I have…let’s see…just over 100 followers. Not big in the grand scheme of things, but it’s a start. If I have that many now, how many can I get when I really start putting effort behind this? While growing this to any meaningful degree seems like a pipe dream now, all dreams have to start somewhere. So, why not here? Why not now?
To be perfectly honest, for the longest time I was simply doing this aimlessly, without any true goal or objective. Sure, there was the overall idea of demonstrating to people that there is more than one type of autistic/autism out there (ie the super smart/intellectual type), but ever more, I’m seeing that being done for me either on the news or in various forms of media. In other words, my chance is steadily slipping away and I have to catch it before it disappears forever and leaves me behind.
This is especially so being as I’m attempting to grow a blog in a world where audio (podcasts) and video (YouTube), rules just about all. Simply think of how much easier and how much more often you listen to a podcast or watch a YouTube video and compare it to how often you read a blog. I really have my work cut out for me. Despite this, I purposefully chose this route because it’s easier for to work on while balancing a part time job and life in general. I don’t need headphones to record/edit unless I want different background noise than what’s around me. More than that, I also don’t have to worry about people around me interrupting my recording/sound quality or what they think of my words until after I post them.
Also again, there are already so many people online and in shows talking about autism in various ways, so where do I fit, where is my niche? It’s something that I’ve struggled with for years. I’ve wanted to share my opinion and thoughts on various topics, but how can/should I when there are so many better suited people doing this already? With everything currently available either in podcast/video/text form, what makes mine stand out from the likely thousands of others?
Honestly, I don’t know for sure, and that’s not a bad thing. I have a vague idea, but nothing truly concrete. Maybe it will be my ability to break topics down in digestible and easy to understand language (due to experiencing that need myself even to this day), or maybe it will be my ability to share my story about (hopefully) becoming successful later in life. With my luck though, it will be something that I didn’t even think of, which will help make me and this blog as successful as I can be.
This is despite the fact that I’m not feeling the most successful and confident right now, after reading about a dozen different autistic blogs and posts, all of which seem to have a better way of talking to people (both autistics and neurotypicals) alike. Of course I can’t let that stop me. All I can do is trust in myself, having the understanding that right now, I’m in my early stages and whether I improve with time or not is up to time itself. Something else my potential success depends on is my ability to determine what does and does not make a good topic along with figuring out when my posts have gone off on a non-sensical tangent. Tangents are fine sometimes if they help to explain a point, but otherwise, they simply serve to clutter a post and make it longer than it otherwise should be. To put it in terms of cooking, there is a time to keep the fat and times to trim it. Your topic and your point determine which you do.
In short, what is my ‘why’ for doing this and attempting this blog time after time, regardless of how little success I may or may not have with it? I both do and do not know. On the one hand I do know, in that it’s a personal challenge simply to see if I can do this once I begin putting actual effort into it, while on the other hand, I don’t know. How am I supposed to compete with the likely thousands of other autistic blogs out there run by autistics who began younger and work harder than me to grow not only their blogs, but become successful in other ways throughout their lives? All I can do is as I said before, take a chance and shoot my shot, hoping for the best. Even if I fail, at least I can be content in the knowledge that I tried. Had I given up each time life had thrown a curve ball at me, I wouldn’t have finished high school let alone college (not that the latter is of much use to me now). The point is, even if it’s far from perfect, I at least accomplished something.
I thank you so much for taking the time to read this and I hope to see you in my next post. If you made it this far, please comment with the phrase ‘pushing on’ down below.
