The inspiration for my Power Tool to reframe the perspectives of clients came through one of my peer coaching sessions. We have had 2 sessions where my client shared personal situations of struggling with setting boundaries towards others, being a people-pleaser, over-thinking options when making decisions by ‘guessing’ other people’s reactions, perceived expectations, and potentially hurt feelings, and having a feeling of being taken advantage of by others. My client shared details around an underlying belief of being ‘nice’ to others to be liked, being fair, and acting respectful. The (negative) outcomes lead to a feeling of lack of self-respect, paralysis by analysis in decision-making, and low self-confidence.
The above peer coaching case had me reflect on the two perspectives of Self-centeredness and Selflessness, where my peer client is adopting a perspective and behavior best described by Selflessness and a reframing of this perspective to a Self-centeredness holds the potential to mitigate some of the negative feelings and outcomes that are currently taking place.
Paradoxically, having a Self-centered perspective would mostly be associated with negative traits, whereas having a Selfless perspective holds more positive traits, see definitions below. Keeping this in mind and considering my peer coaching case, highlighting the strength of this Power Tool as it can be ‘flipped’ in both directions with a nonspecific negative starting point, i.e., situation-based.
With this peer coaching case in mind, I have chosen to take the Power Tool and apply it in the context of executive and leadership roles. I also want to explore the value of shifting one’s perspective from self-centeredness to selflessness (or reversely). My niche business area is Executive Coaching. I hypothesize that leaders will benefit from coaching, which enables them to adapt their behavior to the needs of a given situation, and that self-centeredness and selflessness perspectives will be essential levers in this regard. The reality of a business leader today is to navigate an environment that is constantly changing and where the negative impacts of not making timely and right decisions can have serious implications for the viability and sustainability of a company. Increasingly, it calls for Executives to practice situational leadership toward their team/organization (imd.org, August 2022). I will demonstrate how Self-centeredness and Selflessness perspectives can be effective depending on the decision to be made, with impactful coaching being the catalyst.
Self-centeredness vs. Selflessness Power Tool
It is important to mention that there is a distinction between having a Self-centeredness or Selflessness perspective or behavior and being a Self-centered or Selfless person. Some literature refers to people being either/or, which would indicate that a person is somewhat ‘fixed’ and not able to make fundamental changes. At the same time, there are peer-reviewed articles when outlining the difference between someone acting selfish versus someone being self-centered, which state that someone who is self-centered could be too absorbed in thoughts about themselves to even give a second thought to how their behaviors impact others. But self-centered people could be able to feel more remorse when they realize that they have hurt someone else (Medically reviewed by Bethany Juby, PsyD – by Saya Des Marais, MSW – Updated on February 27, 2023). This would indicate that changing a self-centered behavior is also about awareness and motivation to change. At the same time, awareness does not mean that changing to a selfless behavior should be applied to manipulate others to achieve a desired outcome, which would then still be self-centered behavior.
With this Power Tool, the focus is on reframing perspectives and the underlying assumption that a person, with the support of coaching, can change from a perspective of Self-centeredness to Selflessness and reversely.
Self-centeredness
Definition: Self-centeredness is a behavior characterized by an excessive focus on oneself and one’s needs, desires, and interests, often to the exclusion or neglect of the needs and feelings of others. Self-centeredness is associated with egocentrism (excessive interest in yourself) and materialism (Dambrun, 2017). Self-centered people tend to prioritize their wants and concerns over those of others, and they may display a lack of empathy, consideration, or understanding toward other’s perspectives and emotions (Beth Birenbaum).
A perspective of Self-centeredness is often perceived negatively; it is associated with leader behavior labeled as promoting themselves and their careers, acting selfishly, doing politics by fulfilling requests from stakeholders to benefit themselves personally and professionally, and even intimidating colleagues and direct reports. However, it also holds specific positives or benefits. In an executive or leadership context, a degree of self-centeredness can be advantageous in the following situations:
- Self-Preservation: Leaders need to prioritize their well-being and career growth. Self-centeredness can help them set boundaries, set personal goals, and ensure they do not burn out in their professional and private roles.
- Decision-making: Effective and impactful leaders make difficult decisions. Self-centeredness allows leaders to maintain focus and make timely decisions aligned with company objectives, even if all stakeholders may not always appreciate them.
- Confidence and Assertiveness: Self-centeredness can boost a leader’s self-confidence and assertiveness, which are critical traits in leading people and organizations effectively.
Selflessness
Definition: Selflessness is a behavior characterized by thinking of others first and behaving in a way that prioritizes the needs, feelings, and well-being of others over one’s interests. Traits associated with selflessness are empathy, compassion, and humility. Selfless people put others’ concerns above their own needs or interests. They are willing to sacrifice and offer help and support without expecting personal gain or recognition (Beth Birenbaum). Most of the above characteristics would be perceived as positive. However, a selfless leader’s behavior can also lead to negative impacts on an organization, i.e., paralysis by analysis, lack of timely and effective decision-making, burnout risks for the leader, lack of accountability, etc.
In leadership, adopting a selfless perspective can have several advantages:
- Team ‘Health’: Leaders who prioritize the well-being of their teams and organization build trust and foster a collaborative environment, leading to higher productivity, job satisfaction, less internal politics, and a focus on ‘winning’ externally.
- Servant Leadership (Robert Greenleaf, 1970): Leaders adopting selfless behavior are more likely to embrace the concept of servant leadership, where they serve and support their teams, enabling them to thrive and achieve their full potential and creating an environment of psychological safety.
- Ethical decision-making: A leader with selfless behavior is likelier to make ethical and morally sound decisions, considering the impact on all stakeholders, not just themselves. In today’s business context of purpose-driven leadership, ESG (Environmental, Social, and Corporate Governance), talent acquisition/development, Generative Artificial Intelligence, geopolitical impacts, etc., ethical decision-making is increasingly critical for most leaders.
Additionally, the degree of selfless behavior can play into Executive Coaching when the combination with a level of self-confidence can help reframe the type of leader one aspires to be (Rasmus Hougaard& Jacqueline Carter, 2018):
Context
The effectiveness and impact of self-centeredness and selflessness in leadership depend on the specific situation and context, i.e., the role of Situational Leadership. Leaders must be able and willing to adapt their perspective to suit the circumstances of a given situation and decision. Below are some specific situations where each perspective may be more suited:
- Crisis Management: During a crisis, e.g., COVID-19, self-centeredness may be necessary to make swift and decisive decisions, while selflessness can come into play in providing emotional support to employees and rallying the team to get through the crisis.
- Team Development: In the long-term development of a team, selflessness can help establish trust and team cohesion. However, a certain level of self-centeredness may be needed to set clear expectations and hold team members accountable.
- Innovation and Change: Selflessness can nurture and enable open-mindedness, creativity, and teamwork, while self-centeredness can drive the innovation process forward, pushing for necessary changes and improved outcomes.
Self-centeredness and Selflessness as a Power Tool in Coaching
Executive Coaching is an impactful way to help leaders develop the ability to shift perspective as needed, i.e., based on a given situation. Coaches can use self-centeredness and selflessness as a Power Tool to facilitate better decision-making and desired leadership behavior.
- Self-assessment: Coaches can help leaders assess their natural tendencies toward self-centeredness or selflessness and identify situations where each perspective may be beneficial. This may include the introduction of mindfulness exercises.
- Feedback and Reflection: Coaches can encourage self-reflection to help a leader recognize when a shift in perspective is needed, i.e., allow for critical learning to take place that supports the long-term development of a leader.
- Goal-setting: Coaches can support leaders in setting specific goals for adopting self-centered or selfless perspectives in their leadership and personal roles and allowing these to align with organizational and personal goals.
People are whole-persons and so are people in leadership roles. In Executive Coaching, sessions will address any topic that a leader may bring up as a goal for the coaching relationship. This will often include topics outside of the role of leading a business and an organization and focus more on personal topics, e.g., family, health, friends, hobbies, time management, life planning, etc. The Power Tool of Self-centeredness vs Selflessness will be helpful in reframing perspectives on topics also outside of the leadership role where a point of view limits perceived options.
Coaching Questions
- Can you share a recent situation when you found that your leadership behavior was self-centered/selfless?
- What does self-centered/selfless leadership mean to you personally?
- What would others say when describing your leadership style?
- How aligned do you believe your current leadership style is with your values and goals?
- What do you think your leadership behavior does for team morale and productivity?
- What changes would you like to see in the way your leadership is perceived and received by your team?
- What recent situations would you point to where you successfully demonstrated empathy and active listening in your role as a leader?
- What strategies can you employ to enhance your ability to understand and consider others’ points of view?
- What are your longer-term development goals? How does a change of perspective from self-centered/selfless to selfless/self-centered align with the same goals?
- What can you do to incorporate feedback and self-reflection into your leadership development process?
- What resources and/or support do you need to make sustainable changes in your leadership style?
- Can you recall a recent situation when you genuinely empathized with someone in your team? What did you learn from this situation?
- What are you doing to nurture a culture of trust and cooperation within your team and through your leadership?
- What can you do to ensure that your selfless leadership behavior does not lead to burnout or negatively impact your general well-being?
- How do you measure the success of your leadership behavior?
Conclusion
Leadership is a multifaceted discipline, and based on given situations, it will call for either a self-centered or selfless perspective. While self-centeredness can offer benefits in terms of self-preservation and assertiveness, selflessness enables team ‘health’ and ethical decision-making. The key to impactful leadership is recognizing when to shift perspective based on the situation and context. Executive Coaches play a critical role in helping leaders develop an understanding, adapt to the situation, and use self-centeredness and selflessness as a Power Tool to enhance the impact and effectiveness of a leader. By reframing perspectives, leaders can navigate the complexities of their roles with confidence and empathy, ultimately driving the organization’s success. This Power Tool will help as well when leaders face topics that are related to their life and personal well-being outside of their professional role.
Reference
https://www.imd.org/reflections/situational-leadership/
www.berkeleywellbeing.com/self-centeredness; Beth Birenbaum.
Dambrun, M., 2017. Self-centeredness and selflessness: happiness correlates and mediating psychological processes.
https://psychcentral.com/health/reacting-to-selfish-people#definition
The Power of Selfless Leadership
